Portrait of You
by tangerine-asuka
Summary: [OneShot]Soubi’s sketching a little gift to Ritsuka: a portrait of Ritsuka himself. But the portrait… is that really Ritsuka? Something's definitely missing. Ritsuka’s first person POV. Romance, fluff, humour, angst. SoubixRitsuka


**Title:** Portrait of You  
**Anime/Manga:** Loveless  
**Rating:** PG 13  
**Genre:** Fluff, Romance, Comedy, Angst (smiles)

**Summary:** Soubi's sketching a little gift to Ritsuka… a portrait of Ritsuka himself. But the portrait… is that really Ritsuka? Ritsuka's first person POV.

Erm… just wrote this as inspiration hit me suddenly.

**Notes:** (1) 'Ritsuka wo otosu' – This is what Soubi told Ritsuka when they were at the park. Ritsuka interpreted it as Soubi intending to make his ears fall. Soubi didn't really meant it that way.

**DISCLAIMER: Loveless does not belong to me. It belongs to Kouga Yun. SOB…**

* * *

Sunlight fell in gently through the windows as I sat there trying hard not to move. The school's art room was empty except for the two of us, and the very thought of that made me so uncomfortable that I wanted to squirm. 

I could feel his eyes on me, studying me closely. Too closely, in fact. His gaze traveled extremely slowly as he took pleasure in examining every centimeter of my face, my features, my body… every part of me.

It became a horribly tedious task to sit there without doing anything but trying to ignore the fact that his eyes were on me.

I shifted uneasily.

Even the light music in the background didn't help. I glanced past him, at the radio at the corner of the room. What's the name of the song playing now?

Ah… it sounds like Beethoven's Sonata in C minor…

Somehow, the music made the atmosphere a little too… romantic. That was unnerving. But if I were to tell him to turn it off, the silence may be too overbearing then. It was hard to choose.

I squirmed in my seat.

His intense gaze was still on me. His eyes never left me even for a second, except for those times where he had to look down to sketch some part of me.

Can he see through me? Can he see what's inside of me?

I shivered slightly. That would be dangerous…

"Ritsuka, are you cold?"

I almost jumped at the sudden sound of his deep voice. I shook my head, unable to trust myself to reply.

He resumed drawing.

I let my eyes roam around the room, searching for something to concentrate on, something that would distract me from thinking of him… thinking of us.

I felt him watching me again. Unknowingly, I held my breath. Time dragged on but he didn't look back down to sketch anything.

It was starting to feel like eternity to me.

Why wasn't his hand moving? Why weren't his eyes leaving me?

I fidgeted restlessly. This was pure torture. And on top of that, the music had stopped playing when it came to the end of the CD.

Finally, he sighed and put his pencil down. "Ritsuka, if you keep moving, it's hard for me to draw a nice portrait of you."

At this, I snapped. "What! You weren't even moving your pencil for the last few minutes! Don't you know that it's tiring keeping still and doing nothing but just sitting here! I feel so stupid!"

He smiled as if everything was fine. "That's because I had finished drawing."

It took a minute for that to sink in. My eye twitched as I tried very hard not to explode, my words coming out in a biting tone. "So what were you doing back then? If you had finished earlier, you should have said something…"

He rested his chin on his hands, the smile never leaving his face. "It's a rare chance for me to observe Ritsuka like this… just the two of us… so I thought I should make full use of it."

"BAKA!" I yelled and jumped out of my chair.

During those few minutes where he was concentrating on observing me… Had he seen anything in me that he shouldn't have?

My panic at that made me grew more irritated and mad at him. I crossed my arms, and bit on my lips.

"Ritsuka, are you angry?" He stood up as well, looking very concerned. "Do you want to punish me?"

That was it.

"No! Would you stop saying things like that! It would only serve to make me more frustrated!"

"But…"

"Enough!" I glared at him. "If you say it again, I'm never agreeing to do this again anymore!"

"You mean… being my model?"

"Yes!"

"So… if I don't say it again, you'll be my model for a second time?"

"…" I grimaced, mentally berating myself for my slip up. "… I guess so…"

"Ok! I won't say it again then."

I sighed inwardly. Another session of this? I'm not sure if I can take it. I get edgy everytime he stares at me.

His voice broke me away from my thought once again. "Don't you want to see the portrait?"

I blinked at him. "Huh? Okay…"

"Come…" He motioned for me to stand by him.

I crossed the room carefully, taking each step with growing anticipation.

Yes, a portrait of me! Soubi had come up to me earlier this afternoon and proposed to sketch a full length portrait of the "true" me (as he had said) as a gift to me. I took it that when he had said "true", he meant a serious, nice drawing that would look like me. Not the one that he had presented to me when we were having dinner at Yuiko's house. Thus, I had accepted his proposal.

I stopped besides him and stared at the finished portrait. I took in a deep breath.

It was beautiful. It looked exactly like me. The face, the eyes, the nose, the mouth, the shoulders, the body… everything.

But…

"This isn't me…" I eyed him, confused.

"What are you talking about? This is you, Ritsuka. See? The features, the body, and everything? It looks exactly like you… am I not right?"

"But…" I stared at the portrait again.

Yes, indeed. Everything looked like me. It was a splitting image of me. It was me. But… if it was meant to be me, then…

My eye started to twitch again. "Where are my ears and my tail then?"

Soubi blinked back at me, pretending to be innocent. "Hmm? Oh… I just thought that your ears and tail were extra features that shouldn't be added in. **This **(he referred to the portrait) is the true Ritsuka…"

I clenched my fists tightly by my side, my body shaking in anger and embarrassment, my face a tomato red. "Oh really…" My voice was strained. So this was what he meant when he said "true"?

"SOUBI, YOU IDIOT!"

Within seconds, I was out of the room, slamming the door behind me.

"Ritsuka, wait!"

I promptly ignored Soubi's call after me and continued stomping off. Strangely, he had managed to catch up with me just as I stepped out of school.

"Ritsuka, wait! Don't you want your gift?"

I glared at him, and at the portrait in his hands. "That isn't me at all! Why should I accept it!"

"But it is you!" He insisted determinedly.

"It isn't! I… I still have… I still have my ears and tail!" I hollered, blushing from head to toe.

"But those aren't important! Besides, Ritsuka looks better without them!"

I could hear the thunderous pounding of my heart. I blushed even more furiously, if that were possible. "Baka! Baka! BAKA! What are you saying! Stop spouting nonsense! Pervert!"

'_Ritsuka wo otosu…' _(1)

Those words were ringing loud and clear in my eyes as a flashback ofour first kiss passed through my mind.

This wasn't good. I think I might collapse even before reaching home. The hammering of my heart and the blood rushing to my ears and head… I felt so weak.

I could feel his eyes on me again, full of concern… and that's only making matters worse.

I could see my house now. Safety was within reach! I broke into a run, yelling: "Stop following me! Go home! And take that stupid portrait with you!"

I burst in through the door, and slammed the door shut behind me immediately. I leaned against the door to catch my breath before rushing up to my room.

No such luck.

As I entered my room, ready to fall onto my bed and bury myself under the covers, maybe even intending to hide for the rest of my life, he was already there waiting for me.

How the hell did he get in? Shouldn't my window have been locked!

"What are you doing!" I hissed, careful not to alarm my mother.

"You forgot your portrait…"

"I told you I don't want it! Now, get out!" I was growing more and more hysterical by the minute.

"But why?"

"I told you that too! That isn't me at all!"

"Oh, but it is…" He placed it carefully on my table. Then, he turned and regarded me with such an intense and powerful look that I felt my knees begin to give way. "You know that it is…"

I went red in the face yet again.

"Idiot! I said it isn't!" I never gave up a fight easily. I was stubborn. I would never give in to him that easily.

He sauntered slowly towards me, getting closer and closer and closer. Unwittingly, I took a step back. That proved to be fatal as I bumped into the bed, lost my balance and fell backwards onto the bed.

Horrifyingly, he leaned down and had me trapped between his hands, underneath his body. I squirmed uncomfortably, blushing and blushing and blushing, trying to push myself back further into the bed to escape from the closeness of his body.

I looked away, and starting pushing him off me. "Soubi, get off!"

But he didn't listen. Well, I guess that's because I didn't specify that it was an order. Instead, he reached for my chin and forced me to look at him, right straight in the eye.

"You know that it **is** you, Ritsuka…" He whispered, sending tingles down my spine.

I opened my mouth to protest, but nothing came out. I had lost the ability to speak. My breathing grew hard as my heart thundered against my chest. I was mesmerized by his eyes.

"Ritsuka… You're so cute…" He pulled my hand close to him and began planting fluttering kisses on it.

My head was spinning uncontrollably as the air became stifling. I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, willing all the strange emotions that were creeping over me to go away.

Suddenly, I felt the kisses stop. A part of me was glad, yet another part of me was disappointed. I opened my eyes warily.

He smiled at me.

"Ritsuka, I love you."

I stared at him, not knowing how to react.

Taking advantage of my lack of reaction, he leaned in and our lips met. He was passionate while I remained unresponsive. That allowed him to go even further, and he slipped his tongue in.

I lost my ability to think.

Our kiss deepened and my lips were on fire. Finally, I kissed him back with much more yearning that I've ever known I had.

We broke apart only to make sure that we remember to breathe. Neither of us moved as we fought to catch our breath. But as my rationality came crashing back into me at full force, I pushed him back hurriedly.

"What…" I struggled to speak. "Stop messing with me!" I glared up at him.

"Ritsuka…"

"Go home! I don't want to hear anything further! Just go home!" I pushed him towards the window. "Leave right now! This is an order!"

He remained silent for a moment before he obliged. "As you wish…"

He paused at the window and turned back with a smile. "Once again, I have to say that the person in the portrait is Ritsuka. If you still insist on otherwise… then would you at least let me re-draw that picture of you in the future? I'd like to be the first one to see **that** Ritsuka…"

And with that, he disappeared into the night.

I flopped back down onto my bed, burying my face into my pillow, exhausted.

'_I'd like to be the first one to see **that** Ritsuka…'_

Wait… didn't that mean…!

"Pervert!" I practically screamed as my face started heating up again. The first one to see me… without… (God, it was so hard to even speak like this in my head, not to mention saying it out loud)… without my ears!

That was gross!

I gritted my teeth, fuming.

'_Ritsuka, I love you.'_

Somehow, that made my heart ached. Why? Why does he tell me that repeatedly? How can he say that when he doesn't even know the genuine me? The true Ritsuka disappeared when he turned 10 years old…

And Soubi… don't you realize that no matter what you say, no matter what you do, no matter what happens to us… you will never truly belong to me?

We could try anything. Piercing your ears, carving the name "Loveless" onto you, tattooing, leaving any symbol or mark of belonging, anything, anything at all, but you will never really belong solely to me.

For the name "Beloved" would always be there imprinted on your neck. It would not disappear. Neither would our individual memories of Seimei.

Seimei, or Beloved, will always be there between us.

My mobile phone rang, indicating that I had just received a message.

My eyes were already blurred as I reached out for my phone. The tears in my eyes felt warm but I felt cold.

"Ritsuka, I forgot. Maybe we should get the portrait framed up first. Thank you for today. Goodnight. Sweet dreams. I love you."

And my tears wouldn't stop flowing then.

**xXx owari xXx

* * *

**

So how was it?

I've been dying to write a Loveless fic but could never come up with any ideas! Lol… In fact, this isn't my first Loveless fic. I was in the midst of writing my first ever Loveless fic and this idea came barging into my mind. So I sidetracked and wrote this first. Haha!

Anyway, I'll be glad if you could leave me some comments! I know the ending is sad… but I really can't stop thinking what would happen if Seimei turns up or if the real Loveless battleship turns up. What would happen to Ritsuka and Soubi!

And I love Ritsuka so much. Note**: There's one part of the fic that I wrote Soubi saying that Ritsuka's cuter without his ears and tail. That's utter nonsense! I don't feel that way at all!** The neko ears and tails are what made me fall in love with Loveless! Well, partly. Ritsuka is so cute with his ears and tail! Kyaaaaa! I love him! But I feel sad and pained when I see how much he suffers. He's only a child and he has to go through so much. That's so unfair. Sob…

Well, I just had to add this in after reading how some felt about Loveless out there: RitsukixSoubi sounds weird to me, because I'm not exactly a fan of Shota. If I were to keep on focusing on the fact that Ritsuka's only 12, I get irked.But I really love the story and so all that's left for me to do is to overlook on that part. Besides,there isn't anything sexual in their relationship.

I prefer the manga to the anime, basically because the manga looks deeper into the plot and the characters. I love Loveless for Ritsuka (cute yet struggling with so many psychological issues), the Seimei plot, the quiet and dark atmosphere, etc.

Ok. Enough of my ramblings. See ya!


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